The Mirror that Made Me Cry

Last year, I attended the book launch of my amazing yoga/pilates teacher, Fantine Tho. She curated an artistic evening that included a photography exhibition, a grounding session to connect with our roots, and live music. It was magical, an unforgettable night for me.

The evening began with a photo exhibition centered around the theme of Brazilian Indigenous people and their culture, Brazil being my teacher’s motherland. Among the beautiful pieces, one artwork stood out the most: a mirror. The artist who collaborated with Fantine shared that, on average, people spend only 30 seconds in front of an artwork in a gallery. So, our challenge was this: to look into the mirror for five whole minutes.

I thought, “Easy. I already spend at least half an hour a day in front of the mirror.” I have a non-negotiable AM and PM skincare routine, so I take time with myself every day. But nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.

That day, even before arriving at the book launch, I had already been going through an emotional earthquake , no clear reason, just a wave of heaviness. After admiring all the photographs, I stood in front of the mirror. And suddenly, it felt like I had summoned myself. Not the version I see every day when I’m doing skincare or makeup with a goal — usually to fix or adjust something I perceive as imperfect. But this time, I was just… there. No agenda. No fixing. Just me, raw and exposed.

It was incredibly uncomfortable. I couldn’t look at myself.

From a young age, I grew up with deep insecurities. I was never enough. Never pretty enough to be in the front row. Too tall. Too dark. Too skinny. Imperfect skin. Imperfect teeth. Frizzy hair. Until my late twenties, I didn’t know how to love, accept, or even be kind to myself.

But there I was, standing in front of a mirror, being asked to consider my reflection as art, a masterpiece. And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t last more than a minute. Tears began to fall. I felt like a fraud. I couldn’t bear my own gaze. I didn’t love myself enough. I wasn’t kind enough to me. All the old insecurities and all the painful words once said to me came rushing back like a flood.

I managed maybe two and a half minutes, not five. I walked away from the mirror with a heavier heart, not because I failed the timing but because I realized how much love and acceptance I was still withholding from myself. It felt unfair.

I was reminded of this moment recently while listening to Mel Robbins’ podcast. She discussed her “High Five Habit” with her husband, how something so simple as high-fiving yourself in the mirror every morning changed their lives. And it’s backed by research. She talks about how this small act impacts you neurologically and physiologically — how it boosts dopamine and rewires your brain. Neurobics: exercises that help your brain adopt positive new patterns faster. In one study, 175,000 people added this habit to their morning routine for just five days. The results were profound. Just a simple high five in the mirror.

Mel explained that one of the biggest reasons self-love is so hard to cultivate is how we define love. The dictionary says love is a feeling, but really, love is an action. When you feel loved by someone, it’s because of how they treat you, what they say, and how they show up for you. It’s not passive. It’s active.

The secret to self-love is the same: demonstrating love to yourself through your actions. Mel puts it so well: “A human being is standing in the mirror every morning with you. And you’ve either ignored them or criticized them for years.” And maybe the reason it’s hard to look in the mirror is because you’ve grown to dislike the person you’ve become. Or you carry regrets about your life and where you thought you’d be by now. So you avoid that gaze. But here’s the thing: When you love someone, what do you do? You look them in the eyes. That eye contact triggers both dopamine and oxytocin: feel-good chemicals that foster connection.

Making eye contact with yourself, with compassion behind it, is an act of love. Avoiding it is an act of rejection. That’s why the high-five habit is so powerful. It’s not just about feeling self-love. It’s about giving yourself love in a solid, tangible way.

I only recently discovered Mel’s habit, but I realized I’ve already been doing something similar. Every morning when I first meet myself in the mirror, I smile at myself. I compliment myself. And honestly? I can do that most mornings, thanks to my intentional sleep and evening care routine. I wake up feeling pretty awesome. Of course, not all my mornings are rosy, but I still talk to myself and cheer up.

Some may see this as dramatic, self-indulgent, or even cringe, but it’s the opposite. It’s about self-awareness. It’s about building small, sustainable habits toward self-love. Not to please others. Not to seek validation. But purely for you. Because you can’t pour love into others if your own cup is empty.

And that mirror? It’s not just glass. It’s an invitation, an honest one!